Civil as an Orange

The Club Let’s-Hide-Away-From-The-Hurtful-Unworthiness International

(from the chapter “Why Do We Resist Learning?” in book entitled Life 101: Everything We Wish We Had Learned About Life In School - But Didn’t by Peter McWilliams)

Naturally, we can’t go around feeling unworthy all the time. It hurts too much. So we invent defenses - behaviors that give the illusion of safety. Soon we notice that others have not only adopted similar defenses, but have taken their defenses to new and exotic extremes. The school of limitation is in session.

We begin by hanging out with other members of the same club. We are no longer alone. In fact, we start to feel worthy. We have comadres„ companions, confidants, and chums.

The club? Club Let’s-Hide-Away-From-The-Hurtful-Unworthiness International has four main chapters:

THE REBELS

The rebels like to think of themselves as “independent.” They have, in fact, merely adopted a knee-jerk reaction to whatever “law” is set before them. They are prime candidates fore reverse psychology (“The best way to keep children from putting beans in their ears is to tell them they must put beans in their ears.”). They conform to nonconformity.

Most Feared Fortune Cookie: ”A youth should be respectful to his elders.”
Slogan: ”Authority, you tell us that we’re no god. Well, authority, you’re no good.”
Motto: (minus the first two words) “…and the horse you came in on!”

If the ones who tell you you’re no good are no good, then, somehow, that makes you good. Somehow.

THE UNCONSCIOUS

These are the people who seem to be not all there because, for the most part, they’re not all there. They’re not dumb, mind you; they’re just someplace else: a desert island, a rock concert, an ice cream parlor. They are masters of imagination. With authority figures, they do their best to appear dumb, drugged, or asleep. The powers that be then become frustrated and leave them alone - precisely what the unconscious want. Very clever.

Favorite Fortune Cookie: ”To know that you do not know is the best.”
Slogan: ”You can’t expect much from me, so you can’t criticize me because, uh, um, what was I saying?”
Motto: ”Huh?”

The more the world criticizes them, the more they retreat to a fantasy world beyond criticism.

THE COMFORT JUNKIES

All that is (or might be) uncomfortable is avoided (unless avoiding it would be more uncomfortable), and all that might bring comfort (food, TV, Walkmans, drinks, drugs, and other distractions) is sought after (unless the seeking after them would be more uncomfortable). In their youth the comfort junkies scarf french fries, then mature into couch potatoes.

Most Feared Fortune Cookie: “The scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.”
Slogan: ”Comfort at any cost! (Unless it’s too expensive.)”
Motto: (taken from Tolkien) “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.”

They memorize as much of their motto as is comfortable.

THE APPROVAL SEEKERS

The best way to prove worthiness is to have lots of people telling you how wonderful you are. Approval seekers work so hard for other people’s approval they have little or no time to seek their own. But their own doesn’t matter. They, after all, are unworthy, and what’s the worth of an unworthy person’s opinion? These people take the opposite tack of the rebels: rebels deem the opinions of others as unworthy; approval seekers deem others’ opinions too worthy. Approval seekers would run for class president, but they’re afraid of a backlash, so they usually win treasurer by a landslide.

Most Feared Fortune Cookie: ”Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue.”
Slogan: ”What can I do for you today?”
Motto: ”Nice sweater!”

Without such people, homecoming floats would never get built.

You’ve probably been able to place all your friends in their respective clubhouses. If you’re having trouble placing yourself, you might ask a few friends.*

Most of us tend to pay some dues to each chapter at one time or another, about one aspect of life or another. We may, for example, be rebels when it comes to speed limits, unconscious when it comes to income tax, comfort junkies when it comes to out favorite bad habit, and approval seekers in intimate relationships.

*If you reject the idea that you could possibly fit in any category, you’re probably a rebel. If you accept your friend’s evaluations too readily, you may be looking for approval. If you forget to ask, maybe you’re unconscious. If you’re afraid to ask, you may be seeking comfort. If a friend says, “You don’t fit in any of these; you seem to transcend them all,” that person is probably looking for your approval.